Hephzibah Alumni Finds His Childhood Roots

In 1987 Dwayne was 11 years old when he heard the name Hephzibah for the first time. This was the place that the hospital social worker told Dwayne that he would be going to live “for a while.” A completely unbalanced foster pre-adoptive placement for over a year was what landed Dwayne in the psychiatric hospital. A foster family unprepared for a young boy who had suffered the loss of a series of relative placements, one of which turned out to be physically and sexually abusive and neglectful. A foster family whose own son exhibited severe behaviors that Dwayne became a scapegoat for, on top of his own acting out behaviors. Upon examination 22 years later of Dwayne’s record, his acting out behaviors in this foster pre-adoptive home were clearly his plea for help. A desperate call from a little boy who felt so abandoned that all he wanted was a mom and a dad of his own to love him for who he was. And every report described Dwayne as a “bright, beautiful boy who loved sports, especially football.”

In the spring of 2009 Dwayne sent an e-mail from his home in Michigan to Hephzibah, wondering if he would be remembered. Now 33 years old, Dwayne began to trace his roots in search of some answers and hoping, perhaps, to find his birth mother. Not an ‘official’ search for the mother he could barely remember, guarding himself from disappointment once again if she were unable to embrace and accept him. He discovered that Hephzibah, where he had lived from November 1987 to July 1988, would immediately respond to his request, ever on call and waiting for her “alumni” to reach out!

Hephzibah opened her doors in 1897 in the home of a woman named Mary Wessels, whose mother’s name was Hephzibah. Mary made it her mission to care for young children in need of a home with a heart, to be a comforting mother for a temporary time. That mission carries Hephzibah to this day, including a continuum of innovative programs for children and their families, and serving 1200 children a year. Executive Director of 33 years, Mary Anne Brown has transformed Hephzibah from a retired orphanage to a welcoming family home, a Mecca for children and their families.

I remember the day that Dwayne arrived at Hephzibah. He was frightened, with his head bent down. Dwayne was prepared to shut out anything that might overwhelm him. Our program coordinator had visited Dwayne in the hospital to help alleviate some of his anxiety over yet another transition. But so many prior changes, usually with no notice whatsoever had pre-destined this little boy, like all the little children who arrive at Hephzibah’s door, to shiver with fear and anxiety. Our staff sincerely welcomed Dwayne and acknowledged how he must be feeling. But even more reassuring for a child arriving at Hephzibah are the other children in residence. In Dwayne’s case, three other boys his age to show him around, tell him about their activities and where they go to school, and reassure his initial comfort level through their own playful and self-assured attitudes.

Dwayne’s adjustment to Hephzibah was excellent, described in reports as “quiet for the most part, Dwayne is usually engaging with an easy going manner. He is active, healthy and has a keen interest in most sports, especially football. He is also very bright and enjoys trivia games or books, as well as informational books.” None of the acting out behaviors noted in the foster home ever surfaced at the hospital or Hephzibah. Dwayne’s true spirit began to emerge as he made attachments to the staff at his own pace and largely on his own terms. The structure, consistency and predictability at Hephzibah Home proved to be a comfort and a guide for Dwayne as he began to focus at school and achieve his own potential.

When reviewing his Hephzibah file many years later, we came across Dwayne’s Report Cards and he couldn’t wait to get the chance to show them to his children ~ a glimmer of success from his past to brag about. We also found a newspaper article with a picture of Dwayne, advertising a little boy in need of a mom and a dad to call his own. Dwayne sighed and asked to run out to the car to show his family an actual picture of himself at age 11. What a beautiful boy!

Discovery, memories, fitting the pieces of the puzzle together for the first time as an adult, left Dwayne feeling many emotions. He wrote via email: “I wanted to say thank you for being there for me. The file information was very very informative and will start the healing process for me. I left you a voice mail yesterday, apparently my aunt (from my case file) sent me an email last Friday, the day before I met with you. There’s no way in my mind that’s just by chance. I have emailed her a couple of times and she plans on calling me tonight. It’s hard to really express how grateful I am for you. Hephzibah and all the other people that gave me a chance and showed me love. I hope going forward that no matter the outcome from being introduced to some of my family that I now have the information and tools to move on in a positive direction. I do not know yet anything about my mom, I will ask. If she does not want to have contact with me then I am more than ok with that. I finally feel like with some of the other changes I have planned that I’m on the cusp of doing something great with my life. Don’t get me wrong I love the family I have now but I really mean on a personal level. I feel like I’ve been lingering/drifting here in GR for the past few years. Anyway thanks, I love ya and I will keep you posted on any new developments.”

And he has. Dwayne came back to Hephzibah with his family last month to tour the house, led by a little boy who currently lives here, who shares the same bedroom that Dwayne had more than 20 years ago. This is poetry, this is destiny and this is the reflection of a place that has comforted, given a fortress of safety to and has dearly loved thousands of our children! Hephzibah, the home with a heart, the comforting mother…

Davida Ellen Williams, LCSW
Foster Care Specialist
Hephzibah Children's Association
Staff Social Worker of 30 years – June 2009